Author(s): Horace the Elf
"I honestly did believe this shelf gig was going to be great. 'Get out and see the world,' they said. 'Experience the joy of wide-eyed kids, holiday cheer, and the Christmas spirit,' they promised. 'Finally leave your parents' basement for once in two hundred and sixty-seven years,' they told me. I was sold. "And off I went. As a member of Santa's spy squad, I headed down south for the holidays to help the big guy decide who's naughty and who's nice. It was going to be a wonderful change of pace from the screwing, hammering, sanding, painting, and wrapping happening in Ol' St. Nick's workshop. "Or so I thought ...--Horace the Elf In this for-parent's-eyes-only parody of the popular holiday title, The Elf on the Shelf, readers laugh along with Horace as he goes AWOL from his Christmas duties. This photo-story set to verse is the unauthorized (and hilarious) tale of one disgruntled little helper with a gift for making mischief.
Horace the Elf (North Pole) has been a professional elf for many years; his main duties have included suspicions and judgmental tendencies toward children around the world. Now, he's looking out for number one, which doesn't involve the shelf life.